


If I was broken, would you still love me?

by SleepyNightmare



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: A bit of torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, because i'm a sad person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-07-21 17:03:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7396093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyNightmare/pseuds/SleepyNightmare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kara and Astra have a rocky relationship that is full of misunderstandings, Kara gets tortured and things are terrible for a bit.</p><p>Then someone drops into their lives and stuff gets a bit complicated.</p><p>*More characters to be added*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**KARA**

 

You can’t help but feel the dread set in as you walk through the long corridors, they lead you to one person; a person you had hoped you would never have to speak to again after the way things ended yesterday. You're absolutely positive that she hates you, well….not  _ hate  _ ‘hate’ you because Alex seems to think that no one,  _ especially-  _ that person- can hate you because you're too much of a puppy. 

 

You're still not sure if that was a compliment or an insult; with Alex, probably both.

 

The journey through the corridors end and you come to stand in front of the door, these are the moments where you wished you were more human. Because humans, in your opinion, are so  _ slow _ ; when they move, it feels as if they deliberately take the longest route to somewhere or trip on non existent stones  _ just  _ to frustrate you. 

 

Sometimes it is so frustrating that you push or shove them in the right direction; most the time they huff or flip you off, sometimes they give you the death glare so that you trip and fall- oh wait! That's Alex, yeah only Alex can glare you into falling over or in your case  _ falling  _ then hovering half a meter off the ground so you don’t face plant- she usually pushes you over at that point, those are the days that you are happy you aren’t from this planet, a planet where everyone is slow and so absorbed in their own lives; they don’t even notice when you accidentally bump into one of them when you're carrying the coffee orders.

 

You take a deep breathe and prepare yourself, building up the wall that you’ve worked so hard to make so that you can protect yourself from the outside world- it never works, things always slither through the gaps, but it’s a comfort for you to know that it’s there- you press the buttons on the side of the wall, putting in the code carefully,.....slowly,....humanely. 

 

The metal is cold and untouched as your fingers draw an invisible tether between the numbers of the code you’ve memorised; the sound of the ping as you get the code correct startles you, the door slides open with a quiet shush and your whole world feels as if it’s about to crumble at your feet as you look into the eyes that are so similar to your mothers- but your mother's eyes were always so warm and  _ motherly _ . 

 

People would always get them mixed up, even their own parents couldn’t tell them apart until a science experiment went wrong and one of them ended up with a permanent white streak- needless to say, it wasn’t your mother….(when you were little, you hadn’t even noticed the white streak falling through your aunt’s hair) but even before you had noticed the white streak, you could always tell your mother apart from your aunt...it wasn’t very hard. They looked completely different to you then, they still do,.....but in the beginning when you were still small and would get confused over things- like seeing two faces that looked exactly the same and having one of those faces belonging to your mother- their eyes are what helped you tell them apart.

 

Your mother's eyes were so warm and compassionate, even now as you think back to it- her eyes were so beautiful to you and easily your favourite colour. You didn’t know then that your mother’s eyes were the exact same shade as the sea in the midst of a storm, that’s the reason why you had cried into Alex’s shoulder that night as the storm hit the beach; because you had looked out the window when you heard the thunder and the first thing you saw was the sea, you had expected it to be the deep blue that you had grown so accustomed to seeing, instead you saw the waves crash against the rocks in the exact same shade as your mother’s eyes.

 

And you cried, no you  _ sobbed _ your heart out at the mere reminder of your mother; it had hurt so damn much that you thought you might die from the deep pain inside your chest. Alex had been so lost as to why you were crying, but she had just pulled you closer and dragged the blanket over the both of you. She had tried to coax you into telling her what happened when you had calmed down, but you had just shook your head and squeezed your eyes shut as you remembered your mother’s eyes. Alex just quietly examined you for a moment before pulling you closer and humming a lullaby, as soon as the song finished- you were asleep and dreaming of a life you could of had with a family long dead- In the morning when you woke up, you had dragged Alex out of bed because Eliza was making ‘The Special Pancakes’ and you had both raced to the table; you hadn’t noticed Alex slip out of the bed in the early hours of the morning and wake Eliza then tell her everything that had happened. She never asked you about it again- on the nights of the storms, she would pull the blanket down and open her arms as you cried silently- you still cry every night when you hear the beginnings of a storm.

  
  


Your aunt’s eyes were completely different- they were mischievous and always held such sadness that you were always confused about. She would look at you and you could feel the love radiating off of her but there was always a hint of some underlying sadness, like you were a reminder of the life she couldn’t have; but then she would smile and reach out to tickle you until you were both rolling around on the floor laughing to your hearts content- those are the times your mother would wander in and smile fondly before she too was dragged to the floor by both daughter and sister as ‘The Tickle Fight’ would ensue. 

  
  


Now as you look into the eyes of one of the people you had once loved the most-  _ love _ : present tense because even though she hates you, doesn’t mean you do- all you see is cold reserve and an underlying brokenness about her- you suddenly remember why you had cried so much when you had glanced at the storm clouds rolling in when you were 15, you were meant to be in class but you were sitting on the roof of your school- you didn’t fly, too afraid someone might notice so you took the stairs- and you had glanced up at the sky and saw the storm clouds approaching your school- it wasn’t big but it had reminded you of your Aunt Astra, a whirlwind of emotion and love that always forgot to be gentle with her affections to others- you were always the one to slow her down- Eliza had said once, in your early years, ‘that you were very good with Alex’, your eyebrows had furrowed and you had stared at her in confusion and asked her ‘what do you mean?’

 

She had smiled softly at you and brushed a strand of hair out of your face

 

_ “Alex is like the storm before it hits, she’s sensitive and isn’t very in depth with her affections. But when she feels something, like anger or love, she will feel it full force.”  _ Eliza had whispered, like it was a secret that wasn’t meant to be told

 

_ “Like a storm”  _ You had murmured and she had nodded with a grin on her lips then asked you again ‘how you were so good with Alex’ then she had jokingly asked if you were a ‘storm tamer’ in a past life, you had snorted at that as Eliza chuckled, but then you remembered your aunt and your heart had clenched at the reminder of your mischievous aunt with a whirlwind of emotions   _ “I’ve just had a lot of experience, i guess”  _ you had said with a crushed expression and Eliza had apologised and pulled you into a hug

 

That’s probably the main reason why you moved as far as you could away from the ocean and storm clouds- you moved to an apartment, in the middle of the city, with loud noises and flashing lights around every corner. You moved away from the deep reminders of your favourite aunt and beautiful mother- you remember when you had told your Aunt Astra that, she had chuckled then grinned widely at her sister who was smiling fondly at the both of you.

 

She had picked you up and swung you around in a circle as the both of you laughed before placing you back onto the ground

 

_ <Don’t let your Aunt Lara hear you saying that or else she might get jealous.> _ Aunt Astra had said and your mother had burst out laughing at that and so had your Aunt Astra

 

_ <Oh we don’t want that now, do we?> _ Your mother had said, throwing a smirk her sisters way. Their eyes twinkling in inner amusement and nostalgia. You just tilted your head- in the exact same way they both do- and looked at them in confusion

 

_ <Why can’t we tell Aunt Lara?> _ You had asked both of them and they had grinned so widely

 

_ <Your Aunt Lara has a bit of a grudge against your Aunt Astra> _ Your mother had muttered to you while still looking at her sister who was wearing a matching smirk

 

_ <Why? Aunt Astra is so cool!> _ You had asked while staring at them in confusion,  Aunt Astra had blushed slightly as your mother chuckled

 

_ <Well you see my daughter, your uncle Jor-El used to like your Aunt Astra a lot when we were all younger- and when he got older and married your aunt, your uncle told your aunt Lara about it- well your Aunt Astra here didn't feel the same way so-> _ your mother had began and you had gasped at the beginning, before your mother could finish however your Aunt Astra had reached out and covered your mother's mouth so quick you didn't even see her hand come up.

 

_ <Lura! I swear to Rao if you utter another single word-> _

 

Your mother had just laughed, the sound slightly muffled from your aunt's hand. Your mother just placed her hand on your aunt's shoulder and made a crossing motion across her heart- you could see your mother crossing her other fingers at the same time, you had raised a brow as she winked in your direction- your aunt seemed to have accepted that and removed her hand from your mother's mouth, your mother then asked if your aunt could go get dinner for the three of you as your father was working late. Your aunt had seemed wary at first but your mother had just rolled her eyes and pushed your aunt in the direction of the kitchen.

 

When your aunt left, your mother had glanced around before pulling you away from the door area and placing you on the bed quickly; you had stared at her in slight confusion before she sat herself across from you

 

_ <Okay, so your Uncle Jor-El ended up asking your Aunt Astra out on a date and because she couldn’t just say no because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings- she agreed.> _ Your mother had paused to roll her eyes at that  _ <So she forced  _ me  _ to come with her, which in turn made your Uncle Jor-El drag your father along as well> _ Your mother smiled then, the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. The smile she reserved for you, your father and Aunt Astra

 

_ <I guess you could say that it was destiny in the making- for me and your father, not your aunt Astra and uncle Jor-El- anyways the date was terribly awkward and in the end your aunt had decided- halfway through the date, might i add- that she should just tell your uncle that she didn’t actually like him but actually liked their teacher, Miss Ro.> _ The both of you had giggled quietly at that because your aunt Astra never knew when to just stop and not over share everything.

 

_ <Well let’s just say, it was hilariously funny and we promised to never, ever talk about it again- i had crossed my fingers behind my back so they didn’t notice- because of course i was going to tell my child or your aunt’s child about it one day.> _ your mother had grinned fondly at that

 

_ <I mean what does she expect- I'm her sister- I was born just to embarrass her> _ Your mother had chuckled and then pulled you into a hug as you laughed  _ <But you must never ever tell your aunt I told you, okay> _

 

You had nodded and grinned widely at your mother, when your aunt walked in all you did was giggle quietly. You mustn't of been that quiet as your aunt noticed and then sent your mother a death glare, who laughed. 

 

Your suddenly startled out of your reverie by a voice

 

“Hello Little One” Your Aunt Astra says, clear and with so much formality that you  _ ache _ for the times when she would say it with such  _ love _ and affection. The times when she would smile and pull you into a hug or place you on her lap.

 

“Aunt Astra” You say with cold sadness, devoid of all the love that had just crossed your mind 

 

“Come to get some answers or are you and  _ your humans  _ not done torturing me yet?” She asks you and you cringe inwardly at the reminder of what that  _ monster  _ had done- the disgust sitting at the bottom of your stomach, just waiting to be thrown up.

 

“He is not apart of  _ my humans _ ” You say with as much disgust as you can muster without visibly gagging, you manage it but you can taste the bile at the back of your throat

 

“Then what is it you wanted?  _ Little One _ ” She says with a sneer and you falter for a moment because you’ve never seen her like this before, you’ve never seen her so  _ intimidating _ ; no, not intimidating- more like  _ cruel _ . Your aunt was always so gentle and nice, she was never  _ this _ , whatever-  _ ‘this’ _ \- is.

 

“Don’t call me that.” You say as your jaw clenches and your eyes flare with slight anger, she seems surprised by that- how easy it is for her to anger you with only two words- she must’n remember how much you loved- _ love  _ her.

 

“Why? Does it upset you that I call you  _ little one _ ? Because you are just that, your little like a child, you’re young and do not know what you are getting yourself into-” She says and you know-  _ you know  _ you shouldn’t say this and Alex will probably be mad at you for exposing yourself like this, for letting her get to you….but, you just  _ don’t care _ .

 

“Don’t.” You say through clenched teeth, you grind your jaw and squeeze your eyes shut from the familiar burning in your eyes- either from the heat vision burning in the back of your eyelids or the tears threatening to spill- when you blink your eyes open, your aunt stares at you with a questioning gaze before she  _ smirks _ slightly at the anger flaring inside you- and oh! your aunt was never like this to you before...before...you had forgotten for a moment, ‘she hates you’ a voice in the back of your head whispers.

 

“Don’t act like you know me. Don’t  _ act  _ like you know who i am anymore, because guess what? You don't. You don’t know me, you don’t know anything about me because  _ you weren’t there _ , you knew-  _ you knew _ I was alive, yet you did nothing,  _ nothing  _ to find me.” you feel a lone tear roll down your cheek and continue its journey to land on the floor

 

“You didn’t even look to see where I ended up, did you? …..and-and you know what else? I grieved for all of you and it _tore me apart_ from the inside out. So don’t. Just don’t. Because _you don’t know_.” You spit out and you feel the tears threatening to spill over, your eyes burn and your heart _aches_. You look into the eyes of your aunt and she’s stock still, her gaze straight ahead and her eyes are glazed over- and- and- and your- NO! Please _no no no no no_ , please don’t- You DID NOT just say.. _that_ , because everything you just said was petty and ugly and so much more than beyond cruel, because every word you had just said- no matter how ugly or how hurtful- was totally and inexplicably……..

 

_ …..True. _

  
  
  


Your horrified at what you’ve done. You move back, one step- two steps, three steps, your aunt doesn’t move an inch- she’s still staring at the same spot- the spot where the tear you’d shed had fallen…….the door is closing, why is it closing? Did you close it?- then the worst thing happens, just before the door closes your aunt turns her head and a single tear- a tear like your own, alone.- falls.

 

Then she smiles sadly- no not sadness,  _ resignation.  _ Like she had expected this.

  
  
  


The door shuts.

  
  
  


And you crumpled to the floor and  _ cried _ .

  
  
  


You cried for your aunt in the other room. You cried for your dead parents. You cried for your dead planet. You cried for Clark who never got to grow up with the red skies. You cried for every memory that you have of your home. You cried for yourself. You cried because you’re hurt, you cried because you’re angry, you cried because you’re confused, you cried because you’re sad and finally you cried because you’re in pain and you still don’t know how to live with it.

  
  
  
  


************

  
  
  


Alex is the one who finds you- you don’t know how long you were there, curled up in the corner of a vacant hallway that no one ever uses, you don’t remember how you got here and you’re too tired to even  _ try _ \- but the tears are all dried now, the only thing left of them is the red tear tracks that had marred your skin and the wall across from you that is a melted giant black hole tinged with red embers that glows around the edges (funny how that reflects exactly how you feel inside) and your throat hurts, every time you swallow it feels like someone’s shoving sandpaper down the back of your throat- and you think you deserve that, you’re tired and can feel your eyes drooping with every second that ticks by.

 

“Kara” you hear her breathe because your eyes are closed- wait. Why is your eyes closed? When had you even closed them? The memory is starting to slip and blur away as you finally realise that you are beginning to fall asleep, the darkness creeping up on you and wrapping you in a shroud of warmth and  _ numbness _ because you don’t want to  _ feel  _ anymore.

 

“Ale-” you manage to mumble out and you have just enough time to register your sister wrapping her arms around you and lifting you up into her embrace before you succumb to the darkness that welcomes you.

 

It’s so peaceful here, only the darkness surrounding you instead of the red skies and spiralling towers that remind you every night that you will never see your home again.

  
  
  
  


You hope you never leave this place. 

  
  
  


You hope you never leave the safety of this darkness. 

  
  
  


Hope….what a fragile word….

  
  
  


Little did you know this was the last time you would ever see darkness….

  
  
  


Or feel safe…. in a very long while.

  
  
  
  
  
  


************

  
  
  
  


The clock in the corner of the room- the one next to tile number 26- ticks. The sound would have been soothing if it wasn’t driving you completely mental, your whole mind is curled around that clock ticking

 

_ Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tick-Tick-Tic-Ti-Tick _

 

It stalls and you frown, because-because the clock  _ never  _ stops- it keeps ticking and ticking and tocking- it should be up to 10825....that’s three hours and 25 seconds…..but it stopped.

 

Why has it stopped? It shouldn't stop. The door opens and you remember.

 

It only stops when  _ he  _ is back.

 

You look up into his face and feel the fear curling around your heart, you feel like screaming- because you know what happens next.

 

You don't scream.

 

Even when they inject you with glowing green liquid and you fall, immobilized.

 

You don't scream even when he cuts into your skin with that green blade.

 

You don't scream when your heart stops and you die for the millionth time again.

 

You don't even scream when they bring you back to life.

 

It's been 233 days of doing this over and over again for every hour that ticks by.

 

You never scream anymore.

  
  


You’re used to it by now.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you loved someone so much, could you stop the world from turning, just because 'that person' asked you to? Would you love them…...or the idea of them? You see, people say they love celebrities because the idea of them is too overwhelming to resist, the idea that they are perfect or perfect just for you…..Or do you love them...the person….just because they have flaws- would you love them, even though they are broken and torn- like an old worn- through glove, Could you love someone, even though they’re the most imperfect person in the whole world? Would you still love them…..faults and all...when the whole universe is against them?  
> Do you love for the idea?…..  
> Or do you love for the person?
> 
> If they were broken, would you still love them?.......
> 
> I would.
> 
> -Anonymous (Actually it's me :D)

 

**ALEX**

 

You find your sister in a vacant hallway, she’s slumped against the wall, curled into herself and her eyes are glowing red from the scalding hot laser vision. The hallway is dark and dusty and the floor is cold and hard, you walk closer and your heart clenches because there’s tears in your sister’s eyes, her eyes are closing and now you see the scorched tear marks running down her face and you feel a sob get caught in your throat.

  


_Oh Kara…….._

  


“Kara” you whisper and as you get closer to her you notice the wall across her, it’s a giant melted black hole- ‘she must of melted it’ crosses your mind- you flick your gaze back to her, you move closer and crouch down to her level on the floor- you tuck a lock of golden hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek softly- you notice the scorch marks are almost healed.

 

“Ale-” she mumbles out before cutting off, her voice sounds raspy and hurt and you feel the tears threatening to spill but you shove them back down because this is about your sister, you wrap your arms around her and pull her into a hug as she slumps against you.

 

“Shhh sweetie, I’m here. Go to sleep honey.” You scoop her up, placing one arm underneath her knees and the other arm supporting her back as she tucks herself into your neck.

 

You carry her to your lab without any disturbances- it’s late and there is barely even any people around- you place your sister on the bed that you use when it’s late and you’re tired and can’t be bothered driving home. She doesn’t stir and you pull off her red boots before dragging the blanket across her legs- you know she doesn’t get cold but it reassures you that she has some physical sign of warmth.

 

You seat yourself at the edge of the bed and examine her slowly, like how you did when you were children, she looks so much like a child when she’s like this, a scared twelve year old child that watched her planet explode and lost everything. You feel a sense of protectiveness surround you as you stare at your sister, your sister who’s in so much pain that she passed out from exhaustion.

 

The anger seems to accompany the protectiveness because suddenly you’re angry, you’re angry at the person who made your sister cry, you’re angry at the tears and pain that had the audacity to make itself known inside your sister, you’re angry at the world- no, the universe because who the hell invented _pain_ , you’re angry at yourself because ‘ _Why didn’t you protect her!?!’_ and that’s where the main source of anger stays, at yourself.

 

It all ebbs away slowly now that you’ve finally found where it all came from, you’re angry at yourself because you didn’t protect your Baby Sister from the Big Bad World that is filled with so much _pain_ and _despair_ . But that’s just life and you hate that it has to affect your sister like this,.....and yet…..yet she keeps smiling and laughing- at things that really, if you look at it properly, isn’t _that_ funny- she keeps telling bad jokes and being so awkward it’s too funny to resist, she keeps lighting up your day and you just _don’t get it_.

 

She’s been through _so much_ but she still finds the time to smile even though she’s in pain…..you’re so lost in your thoughts that the knock at your door startles you so much that you jump from your position on the bed and spin around to face the door, placing your hand at the non-existent gun at your side.

 

“S-So-Sorry- um, ah- Agent D-Danvers to d-d-disturb you.” The nervous recruit- Davis- says, stuttering over his words and it takes you back to the days when _you_ were the one who was so nervous, only difference was that you didn’t stutter as much as this one here.

 

“It’s fine Davis. What did you need from me?” You say tiredly, combing your fingers through your hair, Davis stands by the door and fumbles slightly.

 

“It-It’s-ah- It’s just o-one of-f the- um- prisoners- th-they requested to- um- see you. Sh-she said that she won’t l-let a-any of us c-come n-near her- um cell to check the e-emitters.” Davis says stuttering and bumbling over words that you barely got anything he just said,

 

Lucky you’re fluent in ‘Kara Stutter’.

 

“Okay, i’ll be there in a minute.” You say in exhaustion because you know who the ‘Stubborn Ass Prisoner’ is.

 

“Y-yes Agent Dan-nvers” Davis says quickly with a blush and sprints out of the room before you can give him advice about his stuttering, you sigh out loudly and place a quick kiss on Kara’s forehead.

 

The walk is quick and short because you just want this over with, you put in the code quickly and the doors open and ‘The General’ is sitting cross legged on the floor of her cell with her back towards you.

 

“I heard that a ‘Stubborn Ass Prisoner’ isn’t letting anyone come near her cell to check her emitters” You say in lieu of greeting

 

“They’re incompetent bumbling and racing hearts was hurting my ears” Is all that The General says

 

“I didn’t know that you were so…..particular...about the pace of a person’s heartbeat” You say teasingly as you close the door and walk over to her cell door to check the emitters, as you get closer you notice the slight shaking in The General’s shoulders and her head is turned downward, like she’s been crying.

 

And _oh_ , everything clicks.

  
  


“Take it the talk with Kara didn’t go well” You say quietly as you check the emitters, though you’re not really, your just using it as an excuse to linger around longer

 

“No it didn’t…”She says quietly

 

“I think the emitters are more than functional, Agent Danvers. You don’t need to pretend that you are checking them” The General says in a low and commanding voice that sends shivers down your spine, she rises from her seated position and turns to face you- her eyes are red from tears.

 

_oh so she noticed that, huh_

 

“So why is it that you requested me _Astra_ ” You say patronisingly because you told her to call you Alex after the many ‘accidental late night talks’ the two of you had.

 

“The new recruit- Danielle or Ingrid has a crush on you” Is all Astra says, her expression blank- Well if she doesn’t want to tell you the real reason...so be it….but there’s also something in her voice that sounds remarkably similar to jealousy that stirs you into goading her further

 

“You mean Daniel, I suppose he is quite handsome….we had a lovely chat earlier-” You say with an almost reverent look on you face. Astra snorts and scrunches her nose in disgust, which is so unusual for a woman who holds herself with an air of superiority and confidence.

 

“Hard to believe you understood anything through all that stutter” Astra says with a slight sneer to her words that it makes you grin

 

“It does add a slight endearing quality” You say with fake dreaminess

 

“If stuttering humans who are easily afraid of alien generals is your type than go ahead” Astra says with anger and jealousy lacing through her words as she turns away from you and walks the distance to the makeshift bed/seat on the other side of the cell

 

“Sadly it’s not, my type is ‘Stubborn Ass Criminal Alien Generals’ who made their niece cry” You say with your arms crossed and the corner of your lips tilted upwards in amusement. That seems to get her attention.

 

“What!? Kara was crying- Is she alright!? Is she okay!?-” Astra says quickly and is in front of you before you can blink

 

“Woah….slow down Astra, your powers are dampened so you can still get whiplash” You say as you stare at the slightly dizzy general, you spare a glance at the camera in the corner of the room before pulling out your com that you had put in your pocket and putting it in your ear

  


_“Vasquez, could you-”_

 

 _“-Turn off the camera’s in The Generals cell”_ Vasquez finishes patronisingly and you huff dramatically and glare at the camera

 

 _“What? You ask me this basically ten times a day, maybe i should just turn off all the cameras permanently?”_ Vasquez asks teasingly

 

 _“Maybe you should”_ You say and childishly poke your tongue out at her

 

 _“Awww did i hurt your witty agent feewings”_ Vasquez says in a patronising baby voice

 

 _“Just shut up and turn the damn cameras off, stalker”_ You say with a smirk and grin widely at the camera

 

 _“Aye, aye Agent/secret-lover-of-her-adopted-alien-sister’s-aunt- Danvers”_ Vasquez says cheekily

 

 _“And how long did that take you to come up with?”_ You ask as you fold your arms and smirk towards the camera when no quick- witted- snarky reply comes

 

 _“Half an hour”_ Vasquez replies after a moment and you feel a laugh bubble up your throat

 

 _“Oh shut up! And just make out with your secret girlfriend”_ Vasquez says teasingly before the flashing red light of the camera stops, you pull the com out your ear and stuff it into your pocket before putting the code in and opening the door

 

Astra instantly grabs your arm and pulls you into the cell with her, encircling her arms around your waist and burying her nose in your hair- you still don’t understand her obsession with your shampoo, that apparently reminds her of some sort of beverage on krypton- you pull her closer by pressing your hand against the back of her head and wrapping the other arm around her waist

 

“It has been too long since I had the privilege of holding you _zrhueiao_ ” Astra sighs out after a moment, she still won’t tell you the meaning of that word.

 

“We were together last night” You say with a slight smirk on your face and Astra sighs into your hair

 

“Not like this, I couldn’t smell your scent while trapped in this cage” Astra says and- Okay now she’s just teasing you

 

“Oh shut up, _shakespeare_ ” You say exasperatedly as you try to push her backwards

 

“I’m just- how do you say- _teasing_ you, brave one” Astra say with a smirk and you smile

 

“Yes well, you seem to like _teasing_ me a lot” You say while pointedly eyeing the skin tight cat suit that hugs her curves just right when she moves or leans against the glass wall- and she’s leaning against the glass wall

 

“Astra” You say dangerously as you glare at her but it seems your glares don’t have the same effect on her as they do on Kara because all she does is smirk-

 

_Oh Kara, now you remember…_

 

“Why was Kara crying?” You ask and Astra stiffens instantly before her expression goes blank again

 

“I have no idea-” Astra begins and you sigh exasperated

 

“Don’t” You say and Astra winces- you frown

 

“What?” You say as you stare at Astra’s slightly pained expression- why would she wince like you’ve said the most painful thing- _oh_

 

“You and Kara had a fight…..uh- disagreement?” You say as Astra glares at you when you say ‘fight’ “You two had a….disagreement...and she said ‘Don’t’ at some point and it hurt you, didn’t she?” You say perceptively and Astra gapes at you slightly

 

“You are quite perceptive, for a human” She says and you grin because that’s as close to a compliment that you can get from Astra

“Yes I know” You say smugly

 

“I think the human saying for this is- Not a modest thought in your head” Astra says with a small smile

 

“Not a modest _bone in your body_ ” You correct gently and Astra frowns

 

“I don’t understand you humans, how does modesty come with your bones? You should take responsibility for your own qualities instead of blaming it on your internals” Astra says with the most adorable confused face- not that you’d _ever_ admit that to her- you’d never hear the end of it

 

“It’s just a saying” You say and Astra frowns some more before she huffs

 

“You _humans_ and your sayings” Astra says and you grin widely at her

 

“You _kryptonians_ and your family issues” You say as Astra grins at you

 

“Okay, tell me what happened with Kara” You say and Astra’s expression shifts so quickly as she sighs sadly before reciting everything that had happened between her and Kara.

 

  


************

 

  


You’re walking down the sidewalk with Kara’s favourite Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream in hand and a bag full of snacks. The sky is dark and the stars are out- you smile because the stars always remind you of the night Kara took you flying for the first time, the freedom and the fear that morphed together to create a sense of overwhelming excitement.

 

The air is crisp and the wind brushes past your hair, you keep walking until you come to stand outside Kara’s apartment- you nod to the doorman on your way to the elevator.

 

The elevator doors close with a quiet groan.

  


Everything seems to be normal….

  


Nothing seems to be wrong….

  
  


Until the shrill sound of your phone ringing sounds, you dig into your pocket and pull out the device

 

“Ma’am, there’s a problem” Vasquez says as soon as you answer the phone, you feel a sense of worry begin to whisper in the back of your head- as if there is something seriously wrong,.....you hope it’s just your paranoia

 

“What is it Vasquez?” You say with authority lacing through your voice

 

“We called supergirl in to take care of an escaped prisoner that we were unable to locate” Vasquez reports quickly and the worry you had dismissed earlier seems to come back

 

“What happened?” You ask

 

“We located the prisoner and he is in one of our more secure cells now” Vasquez informs you and you feel a sense of relief wash over you- the elevator door opens and you walk the short distance to Kara’s apartment door.

 

“How’s Supergirl?” You ask as you dig out the key in your jacket pocket to Kara’s apartment

 

“That’s it ma’am, Supergirl didn’t show up. The General assisted us in detaining the escaped prisoner” Vasquez says and you frown and your brow furrows slightly- the lock clicks and you push the door open-

 

“We couldn’t locate supergirl, we thought that maybe you could- Ma’am? Ma’am!?” Vasquez is still speaking but you can’t hear anything because-

 

“What the-” You hear yourself breathe out as you glance around the area

 

Your sister’s place is _trashed_ , the chairs have been ripped in half, curtains have been teared into- like someone dug their nails through it and _tugged_ , furniture has been strewn across the floor and the kitchen counters look as if someone had been dragged through it- the window to the fire escape looks like someone tried to break through it…..then decided to just yank it off it’s hinges.

  


_What the hell happened here?_

  


And where is your baby sister?

  


Your hear the phone crackle and then loud static assaults your ears-

  


“We have supergirl- don’t try to look for us- you’ll never find her.” The deep voice says threateningly as they fade in and out but before you can ask who or yell at the person- it cuts off and all you can hear is Vasquez yelling out orders to people

 

You feel strange because you can’t _feel_ anything, your body doesn’t feel like _yours_ anymore and everything seems to be moving too fast for you to comprehend exactly what is happening, you look down and noticed that the ice cream and snacks you were carrying had fallen out of your hands and landed on Kara’s white carpet, the chocolate caramel twisting and staining the plush white rug.

 

Faintly you hear yourself think ‘Kara’s going to be so mad’

  


“Supergirl is missing people get-” You hear Vasquez order out loudly- and everything seems to click together at just that moment, you take a step forward and a picture frame cracks beneath your boot, you lean down and pick up the picture of you and Kara smiling up at the camera- the crack to the glass running across Kara’s face- you run your finger over Kara’s smile

  


_Oh Kara, where are you?_

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't notice before....but me and Kara are a lot alike, even our names are similar- it's just that i have'T' instead of a 'K'.
> 
> And not just that, we were both 12 years old (or something around that age) when our whole lives changed and our worlds were shattered.  
> When we became consumed in grief but hid it well enough that no one noticed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's the one you'll always love. She's seen you at your highest, she's seen you at your lowest. She's the worst person you've ever met,....but also the best. She's annoying to the point of head explosion, but she's also the only person who can calm you down. She's mean. She's nice. She's happy. She's sad. She's quick, but still slow. She's young, but also old.
> 
> She's your sister.  
> And you wouldn't wish to change her, one bit.
> 
> You love her. But you hate her too.
> 
> It's confusing sometimes.
> 
> (Anonym- oh who cares anymore)- Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life got in the way guys.
> 
> I had my birthday a little while ago (I'm 15 now) and school started up again.  
> And then I was like waaaayy too busy for my liking.  
> I'm tired.
> 
> I have school in about six hours.  
> Going to sleep now, nite.

**ASTRA**

  


_This wasn’t apart of the plan…._

 

But then again Alexandra Danvers wasn’t apart of the plan either, you were meant to be captured- that part went a little too well for your liking- then convince your niece of your cause and have her join your side.

 

_Kara_

 

Your niece is all grown up now and just looking at her hurts you so much more than you thought it would. You miss your niece who had long, brown- almost red hair and pale blue eyes that lit up with so much _love_ and _acceptance_ , who was too young and too innocent to understand that her aunt- _favourite aunt_ \- had been accused of committing a crime that she didn’t do. You still remember that moment when Kara uttered those two most precious words, how could you forget it? It's your most treasured yet one of your most painful memory?

 

It was after a particular gruesome and heartbreaking assignment, it was a rescue and detain mission; a group of terrorists that liked to call themselves _‘The Silent Movement’_ had kidnapped a high ranking chief that was being held hostage in an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the main capital, along with a few civilians.

 

You had been tracking this organisation for a few weeks now and were absolutely disgusted at what they’ve been able to get away with- bombings in several major capitals on a dozen planets, kidnappings and trafficking of rare species all over the galaxy, half the known terrorists being galactic serial rapists and the other half being psychopathic murderers- and that’s not even the half of it.

  
  


The few lucky people that had managed to escape at the last second were assisting your team on locating the whereabouts of the base the terrorists used, and among them was a little girl with bright pink hair and pale blue eyes that reminded you too much of Kara. She was eight years old, so a little older than your niece, her name was Livara. She was the main informant to one of the local generals because she was small and very quick on her feet that all you ever saw of her was a flash of pink hair and the blur of pale white skin, she was very good at obtaining information without getting caught.

  


The two of you had bonded over stories of too harsh parents and your thirst for adventure, you had even taught her a few moves to defend herself with if she ever found herself stuck in a situation that her speed couldn't get her out of; the girl had even began to call you ‘Astra’ instead of ‘Pretty General’.

 

Though she absolutely hated it when you called her ‘Tiny One' because she was always self conscious of her height. You had only realised later, when you were being held back by your soldiers to keep you from tearing out the throats of Livara's parents after another bruise had appeared on the girl's arm, that you cared for this girl deeply.

  


You had planned to take her home with you, to _live_ with you and then Kara could meet her- you had almost forgotten to get your niece a gift; so you had went to the market straight away and picked out a few trinkets that Kara would like- but then you had come across something that reminded you of Livara and you were so captivated by the small object; faintly you thought that it would suit Livara completely, you had bought it without another thought.

 

When you had asked her if she wanted to come live with you; she had shouted a loud ‘Yes!’ and jumped in your arms. She was so overjoyed and you were so happy and couldn't wait to introduce Livara to your niece, that same night you told Livara all you could about Kara and your life on Krypton.

 

When you had ran out of breath and the stories of Kara were limited, you finally remembered the gift you had got her; pulling out the silver bracelet with a dark blue and pink jeweled charm that created a creature spreading large wings (now you know that it looks like a bird in the middle of take off) - the light of happiness that shined in her eyes and the smile she gifted you with almost blinded you.

 

The stars had shined so bright that if you hadn’t been on that planet long, you would’ve thought it was daytime. The creatures of the night were creating a symphony of music, the low tones of many of the larger creatures mixing together with the high tones of the smaller creatures, it was beautiful and so very breathtaking, everything was so peaceful.

 

(And when you think back to it and what happens next, you think it makes sense that the good outweighed the bad).

  


_ <Do you think everyday could be like this?> _Livara had asked from beside you, her accent barely noticeable now compared to when you had first met her- you don’t know where an eight year old Strivor’can learned how to speak kryptonese when all her parents ever did was sell everything and drink a beverage that passed as alcohol on this planet, to be honest it wasn’t even that strong so you still don’t understand how people get drunk after taking one sip.

 

 _ <Like what Tiny One?> _ You asked as you gazed up at the bright stars and leaned back on the soft blue rocks that felt more like a blanket from all the warmth it seemed to contain whenever you touched it

 

 _ <I told you to stop calling me that> _Livara had huffed out with a pout on her dark blue lips, it was a stark contrast compared to her pale white skin

 

 _ <It’s a term of endearment T-i-n-y One> _You had said as you turned your head to look beside you at the tiny child with a smirk firmly planted on your lips as you purposely enunciated the word ‘tiny’. Livara glared at you as you laughed

 

 _ <Now you’re just mocking me> _Livara had said with a huff as you continued to laugh. For a moment everything was quiet and you had almost forgotten what Livara had even asked you before she answered her own question

 

 _ <It won’t be for awhile. Things will be bad for a bit, but then afterwards…> _Livara had turned her head, her tone soft and filled with too much wisdom for a little girl (you find out much later that Livara comes from a long line of ‘Seers’: one who is able to see the future and that she knew what was coming next)

 

 _ <...Afterwards, everything will be okay. Like how it is now.> _Livara had said with a wistful tone and a small, if not a bit sad, smile. You had just grinned and pulled the girl closer to you. You hoped the next day was like this as well, you were too ignorant as to what would really happen the next morning.

 

Because the next morning it all went to hell (as most humans say), the building where the chief was being held exploded because some idiot that was supposed to be guarding the explosives wasn't looking where he put his tentacle and blew the top floor, himself, as well as most of his comrades to smithereens, you and your soldiers had managed to get the chief and the civilians that were being kept on the bottom floor out safely before the floor could collapse and cave in.

 

But then you remembered that this morning some of the informants were sent into the building to scope out the area to help your team infiltrate the place; by the time you reached the caved in top floor- six of the known terrorists were missing several limbs, two of your soldiers had been crushed under a beam after saving two civilians on the top floor, four informants were mildly injured and a piece of long bright pink hair was sticking out under the rubble, the silver bracelet lie beside the bright pink hair- the blue jeweled charm broken in two with bright orange blood leaking out of it.

 

You don’t remember much of what happened next, all you remember is that you didn’t cry and that everything went by in a blur of brief stages- you buried her under a tall white tree with pink leaves sprouting from the branches, you returned the chief to his planet, sent the terrorists on their way to their separate prisons, returned to Krypton, notified the families of your fallen soldiers personally and then you went to visit Alura-

  


_No! Stop! Stop remembering Alura_ \- stop saying her name- stop thinking about her, you shake your head and clench your teeth against the tears threatening to spill over, squeezing your eyes shut tight- you tried wishing away the thoughts of your sister, hoping that the memory would _just stop_. But no matter how hard you tried,....you couldn’t stop yourself remembering.

 

……..

 

 _ <What’s wrong?> _Were the first words out of your sister’s lips, the frown that graced her features a foreign yet familiar sight in your sister’s line of work

 

 _ <No ‘Hello Astra’ or ‘I missed you Astra’> _you say flatly, trying and failing, to sound sarcastic or even the smallest bit amused, your sister had rolled her eyes before closing the distance between the two of you and enveloping you in a crushing yet soft embrace

 

 _ <Hello Astra> _Your sister says teasingly; you had remained stiff for a moment before finally succumbing to the warmth of your sister’s embrace, reaching out to hold her tightly- the tears that had been non existent until this moment almost startled you with the force of it all, the build up in your chest before your heart clenched and your breathing turned stuttery- and before you can blink, your vision turns blurry and warm tears are falling from your lashes, landing in your sister’s hair.

 

 _ <Oh my star, what happened?> _ Your sister had whispered and a choked sob had been released from your throat, you had forgotten that- that when the two of you are left alone your sister calls you _‘My Star’_ , like you're the most precious thing in the whole universe.

 

And then you had shattered and sobbed for what felt like hours, you cried and raged out because _‘Why did she have to die!?!’_ , you had punched the wall and broken your hand- you hadn’t even winced as the bones crushed beneath your skin- and then you had fallen to the ground and slumped back against the wall you had just punched- your sister had remained silent until that moment

 

 _ <You broke your hand> _Your sister had whispered softly as she came closer- you had almost snorted at her obvious statement but all you managed was a half smile, she had called in the medi-bots to fix your broken hand; you had remained limp and pale throughout the whole procedure- once it was finished, the medi-bots left and your sister reached out and took your newly healed hand gently.

 

 _ <Do you want to talk about it?> _She had asked you, but no response came from you; she had seated herself next to you on the floor and leaned her head back against the wall behind the both of you- her mask that you knew she wore around others except you, slowly gave way to show the exhaustion on your sister’s face. You realised suddenly that your sister is tired and exhausted from everything, you feel terrible after that because you’re just adding onto your sister’s fatigue.

 

 _ <You should go to sleep> _You whispered, voice hoarse and raspy from the screaming earlier; your sister had just leaned her head heavily on your shoulder and closed her eyes slowly

 

 _ <And you shouldn’t bottle things up, Star> _ She had whispered through the tiredness clouding over the both of you

 

 _ <I know. But we’re both tired so let’s go to bed> _You had said in a soft voice, Alura had looked at you tiredly as you stared down at the exhausted features of your twin sister

 

 _ <I’ll tell you when you wake up> _You had said with a small smile, you had pulled yourself up into a standing position, dragging Alura up with you. Your whole body suddenly felt warm and so very tired as you and your sister walked down the long hallway to the room she shared with Zor-El.

 

 _ <Where’s Z?> _You mumbled through a tired haze as your sister pulled your hand down so you lay across the bed on the opposite side of her.

 

You remember faintly when you had started to call him that, all throughout school you would only call him Zor or El as he would become slightly enraged whenever someone attempted to give him a nickname, that was until his grandmother had walked into the school and called him ‘Z’; it left him bright pink as she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. After that all you ever called him was Z, he never complained though.

 

 _ <Working late. Now go to sleep Star, I’m tired> _Your sister had mumbled, her speech turning slightly muffled at the end as sleep claimed her; you had reached out with your recently healed hand and brushed the loose strands of hair that had fallen in front of your sister’s face

 

 _ <I know Lura, I know….> _You whispered through a tired haze before darkness embraced you and sent you off into dreamland.

 

When Kara returned home from school, you had already told Alura everything and your sister had held you as you cried again, the two of you were seated on the couch drinking what most humans might associate as coffee or hot chocolate(It’s a combination of both kind of)- then Kara had yelled out an excited ‘Aunt Astra’ and enveloped you in the most bone crushing hug you had ever experienced…..minus Alura’s.

 

Your niece had rambled on and on about her day, including every miniscule of detail as your sister cooked dinner- the two of you were seated at the kitchen counter as you spouted off nonsense to each other before Alura got annoyed and practically forced the two of you out of the kitchen and into Kara’s room- you could tell Alura wasn’t really annoyed because the upturn at the corner of her lips gave her away- after an hour, your sister had walked in and was seated at the edge of Kara’s bed as you sat on the floor across from Kara.

 

It was when you were getting up to go collect dinner that Kara suddenly turned around and said those five precious words

 

 _ <You’re my favourite Aunt Astra> _ She had said clearly- her tone too serious for a four year old, her voice had held so much _love_ ; you had froze for a moment- focusing on those two words _‘Favourite Aunt’_ ; it took you a few seconds to process exactly what your niece had just said. But when you did- a huge grin split across your face and you enveloped her into a tight hug as you spun her around in a circle. No one had ever said that you were their favourite before, aside from Alura, sure people said ‘Good Job’ or ‘You’re an excellent general’ but that was all based on your rank, what you were doing, It wasn’t ever based on you as a person and those five words had pierced through your walls and straight into your heart.

 

_ <Don’t let your Aunt Lara hear you….> _

 

And then the memory blurs out finally- it had taken so long to stop that memory, your whole being had been at war- your mind, the logical part, was telling you that your sister had betrayed you so _logically_ you should hate her, you should hate your sister for what she’d done- be angry at her even- never recognise her as your sister ever again……

 

But the other part,....the emotional part…..was forcing you to remember- it was playing the memory over and over again in your head- repeating it like a mantra so that you have no choice but to remember….had no choice but to _feel_ ….

 

And your heart…. _your heart_ ….-your heart was telling you that you still loved your sister…..that it’s okay to still love your sister even though you haven’t forgiven her because she _is just that_ \- she’s _your_ sister- she’s your _younger_ sister by at least a minute and a half- she’s your _twin_ sister...it was saying that you’ll always love her because she’s your rock, the one who saved you from the monsters, the one who punched that girl in the nose for being mean to you on the first day of school, the one who got drunk with you for the first time, the one who pulled you away from that dodgey guy at the school dance, the one who snuck out of the house with you to go to a party that was full of people too old for the both of you, the one who opened the door late at night to let you in when your parents locked you out, the one who held your hand as you were forced to marry Non,...the one who stood by you as you and your parents became more and more estranged, the one who pulled you into the room as Kara lay asleep so the both of you could watch over her,....the one who whispered _‘I love you Astra’_ before she sent you off into that hellhole….

  


She’s the best friend that knew all your faults,...yet loved you all the more for it………

  
  


….. _Well she used to_ …….

  
  


………... _She’s dead now._

  
  


Shaking your head from the onslaught of emotions; you track everything back to the beginning of this sudden walk down memory lane- your niece.

 

You remember now, you remember trying to convince your niece- but nothing seemed to waver her in the slightest, you couldn’t figure out _why_ your niece would stay with these _humans_ \- how she was able to withstand the greed that seemed to leach off of them like waves- you’re still wondering about it as your niece stands guard by the doorway, tracking your every movement….and when the agent who killed the hellgrammite walks in, you still haven’t figured it out- you’re so focused that you almost didn’t notice the subtle _shift_ in your niece’s demeanor, until her eyes were shining with barely contained _love_ and _adoration_ \- her face softened and the corner of her lips tilted upwards (much like the way Lura used t- _no, stop it_ ) so her lips curved into a soft smile _and the_ _warmth_ of the smile she sent the agent’s way……..it surprised you to say the least and it drew you to a simple conclusion.

 

 _Your niece is in love_ \- of which kind, you do not know.

 

The little touches and soft smiles shared when no one was looking, puzzled you. You couldn’t quite figure out how your niece became so _enraptured_ with a mere human, she wasn’t all that special- she was quick-witted, clever and brave to the point of foolishness, and she was quite attractive- that’s a lie, she was _extremely attractive_ but it is something that all humans possess, isn’t it? So what is it that made your niece come to care for this human so much that she would turn away her own family-

 

“General” A voice interrupts your thoughts and you glance up at the agent entering through the door, the way the woman formally addressed you was surprising at first because you didn’t think your rank would matter to the humans

 

“Agent Danvers” You reply in a formal and detached tone- you’ve gotten good at that, pretending that you don’t care, pretending that you don’t love your niece more than the whole universe, pretending your not in pain from seeing her all grown up, pretending your not attracted to this human who has won the love of your niece.

 

Agent Danvers checks over the emitters that control the kryptonite in the cell before ordering the tray of food in- a new recruit carries it in, you can tell he's new from the slight shakiness in his shoulders and the way his head is turned downwards, he places it on the side and leaves the room quickly.

 

“Lunch” Agent Danvers says simply as she opens the door and slides the tray in gently- which surprises you quite a bit since all you’ve ever seen of humans is aggressiveness and greed.

 

“Why would you give me food? I am the enemy, shouldn't you be starving me to death?” You ask in a confused manner, because you _are_ the enemy- the _leader_ of the opposing army and if the positions were switched and you were the one to capture one of them- even though you would oppose to the option of torture, Non would’ve already made sure the human captured would be begging to die.

Agent Danvers looks confused for a moment before she replied, her tone soft and a small smile gracing her features that does funny things to your lungs

 

“Your Kara's Aunt” The Agent says simply before leaving the room briskly.

  
  


And that is the moment you understood Kara’s _fascination_ in the human.

  
  


After that the days go by like clockwork- You eat the terrible food they feed you. Listen to the humans pace nervously outside your door. Take small naps in between guards entering your cell to check up on you (though most of them don’t dare come close enough to the second cell, the one made of glass and glowing kryptonite that gives you this irritating pain in the back of your head). Stare at Agent Danvers as she exits the cell everyday (you absolutely do _not_ stare at her backside or wish you could run your fingers through her short straight locks whenever you catch her tiredly running her own fingers through her hair- _no, not at all._ )

 

Sometimes your niece will stand outside the door to your cell room on her way past, you don’t think the humans know that you still have more than humanly capable abilities, such as, your still faster than a normal human and you can hear the shuffling of feet outside your prison door.

 

It is quiet in this cell and if you closed your eyes…..you could almost feel the peace that these humans speak of.

 

That is, until the nightmares come.

 

The cold hard bench reminds you of the prison beds in Fort Rozz which probably doesn’t help with the nightmares. Scenes play out in your head as you close your eyes, the story repeating itself over and over, so that in the end you have no choice but to remember every little moment- like you hadn’t already had this same dream over and over again for the last twelve years (It was already seared into your mind by the second night).

 

Sometimes you can trick yourself into pretending that they’re not there, that you don’t hear the screams of Alura ( _pretend, pretend, pretend, just pretend the name means nothing to you_ ) or Kara as you chase the dark abyss- trying to reach them but never coming close. That you don’t feel helpless when some unknown force pulls you back and makes you watch as your niece screams and kicks at the dark clothed figure when she tries to reach you. You trick yourself into thinking that whenever you close your eyes you don’t see Kara’s pained expression or feel Alura’s tears on your skin.

 

You pretend that you're not scared to wake up and realise everything in your dream had happened, that Kara’s cold and lifeless form lay across from you- just out of reach- with Alura’s fingertips a hair breadths away from Kara’s. You’re afraid to wake up and realise that it’s all real, that your dream is real and that Alura’s dead in front of you and Kara’s dead in front of you and that they’re both just **dead** _in front of you-_ always _just_ out of reach.

  


But most important of all, that you didn’t save them.

  


You’re afraid to wake up and realise they’re dead and you didn’t save them when they screamed for your name.

  


……….Because that’s the reality of it all.

 

Alura died,.....Kara had to grow up on another planet with strange people……..and you didn’t save them.

  


***************************

  


It’s the fourth night where you have just woken from another nightmare that the strangest thing happens, Agent Danvers walks into your prison room carrying a hot chocolate with this white foam thing that reminds you too much of the beverage you and Al- your- your _sister_ (Somehow, it doesn’t hurt any less when you think of her like that) used to drink every morning, you still don’t know how to translate that word for the beverage you used to drink into english. She presses a few buttons on the emitter and you assume that she is raising the kryptonite levels judging by your sudden fatigue and the small pain spikes in the back of your head.

 

“If I come in there to give you this, will you try to escape?” The agent asks warily and all you do is nod once, Agent Danvers examines you for a moment before she opens the door and walks in; placing the steaming cup of hot chocolate and…..is that cinnamon?...in front of you before turning to leave.

 

You’re suddenly overcome with this feeling of not being left alone- you don’t want to be alone…..so you do the first thing that pops into your head.

 

You speed in front of her.

 

Which is probably a bad idea since this is the closest the two of you have been since she killed the hellgrammite and you have now just showed her you still have a _little_ of your powers. The agent seems startled slightly and you don’t know why that feels like such a huge achievement- you surprised this _easily breakable_ human, so why does it make you feel _so…_..what’s that word humans use…..sma-sm-smug? Smug?....Yes. Why does it make you feel so smug?

 

“General, get out of my way” The agent growls out at you with that clear defiance in her eyes that makes you want to smile. She truly **is** a _brave one_.

 

“Why?......Did I startle you agent?” You ask and hear the agent’s heart speed up gradually, like a song building up- bit by bit- beat by beat

 

_Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump, thump, thump, thump….._

 

Her heart beats loud and a little bit faster than normal, it’s a soft sound that, strangely enough, gives you comfort- makes you feel tired, a quiet symphony that is slowly lulling you to sleep. You hadn’t noticed but at some point you must’ve closed your eyes because when you blink them open, the light assaults your eyes gently and the human stares at you questioningly.

 

“General. Move.” The human says in an authoritative voice that sends little shivers down your spine and sparks quite a few **_irrationally_ ** _inappropriate_ thoughts

 

And then you’re moving forward slowly and the human steps back as you get closer until her back hits the glass wall and you’re directly in front of her. Her heart beat picks up and you smile at the comforting noise.

 

“You haven’t answered my question yet, agent” You whisper quietly into the space between them, glancing at her lips

 

(later on you’ll blame that on wanting to know her response, because that is the _only reason- nothing else, just that-_ it’s got _absolutely nothing_ to do with your _slight_ attraction to her or how perfect her lips are _\- no,_ it’s not that _at all_ ). The agent’s breath stutters quietly that if you were anything but a kryptonian and weren’t standing so close to her, you wouldn’t of heard it.

 

“I don’t answer to you, _General_ ” Agent Danvers says defiantly and you feel a smirk threatening to break across your lips; all you do is hum in agreement as you lean forward. You feel hypnotized and intoxicated all at once as you take in the agent’s scent- her scent is something that takes you a moment to identify but when you do, you freeze.

 

As if in a trance you feel your body close the remaining distance between the two of you, molding your bodies together _perfectly_ , you lean in close to the agent and sniff at her temple. The smell of the beverage you used to drink, it was has _always_ been your favourite scent because it’s the smell you associated with home. _Home_.

 

This _human_ smells like home - you hear the human’s breath catch and you want to pull back, you want to move away- let this brave human walk out of this cell…..or you could speed out of here and escape.

 

You want to.

  


But you don’t.

  


Instead you are enchanted by the scent pulling you in, captivated by the warmth that latches itself around you- entranced by the deepness in this human’s eyes, you’re drowning in chocolate coloured eyes that embrace you in a mirage of emotion that is sucking you in deeper and deeper. You glance at the humans pulse, hearing it race quickly beneath her skin- you lean down close to her pulse and sniff her skin again gently because _you can’t get enough_.

 

Because this human smells like home and **_you miss it._** _You miss_ _Rao’s red sun and the tall spiralling towers, you miss the way Kara was so young and innocent. You miss the way you used to be able to talk to your sister when something was troubling you. You miss the simplicity of it all. You miss_ ** _speaking_** _and_ ** _writing_** _and_ ** _reading_** _in your own language_ \- you're letting the scent surround you, inside and out. You let it trap itself around you and you feel a quiet, emotional groan escape through your closed lips- you close your eyes as you let this peacefulness surround you, the smell of home- the smell of the hot chocolate and coffee combination that wafted through your apartment in the mornings.

 

And for a moment, you really believed you were there. That you were back in your apartment with your niece running around you as you carry the liquid beverage. That your sister was sitting in the lounge most probably being _“ewww gross”_ with Z (Kara had announced loudly when they entered as Z and Alura kissed).

 

But then you’re violently reminded of what had happened next, when everyone had left- Kara always put up a fuss about leaving, wanting to stay longer and hiding away when it was time to leave- and you discovered that Krypton’s core was unstable, you had told Non and then the two of you tried to fix it, tried to tell people about it- convince them. But it didn’t work and then Non got too impatient and then he _killed_ someone. He was under your command and **_he_** **_killed someone_** , you had told them you did it because you kind of did- you weren’t watching him and he got out of control.

  


You went to prison because of that.

  


And it was _literal_ hell.

  


Your sister was the one to send you there. Your sister sent you to hell.

  


…...you hope Alura never knew what happened in that place.

  


Slowly you’re brought back to the present where you are pressed against the object of your sudden remembrance. She’s staring at you with dark eyes and bated breath, you glance down and notice that your hands were gripping her waist possessively- you furrow your brows at that and snatch your hands away as if burned, you back away slowly from the human. Your whole body protesting along the way; your feet dragging backwards along the ground almost reluctantly before you break from the human completely.

  


And your colder suddenly, less _warm_ , less _content_ , less _peaceful-_ **just everything** **_less_**.

 

The human clears her throat and you glance up (you didn’t notice that your eyes had wandered down her figure, lingering on a _few_ places).

 

“K- Kara…..she-um- she drinks hot chocolate and cinnamon. *clears throat* When she has nightm- can’t sleep sometimes. She said it reminds her of something back on Kryp- your home.” Agent Danvers says throatily; you don’t understand your sudden urge to trap her against that wall again and _just_ **_do_ ** _things to her_ . Not good things, b-b-bad things, _yeah- bad things_.

 

“Thank you Agent Danvers” You say deeply with quiet sincerity behind it; why won’t your body _listen to you anymore?_ Why won’t it stop giving you away?

 

“Your welcome General” She says with dark eyes that wanders down your body

  


You feel a smirk tug at the corners of your lips.

  


Agent Danvers walks toward the cell door almost reluctantly, and just before it closes you hear her clear her throat again and you glance up.

  


“Goodnight General” The human whispers softly, shutting the door and doing something to the emitters that makes the pain inside your head disappear. She’s almost at the exit when you call her back

 

“It’s Astra” You call back to her before she leaves and…..

 

…... _By_ _rao_ ** _why_** _did you do that?_ Why would you call her back and give her your name? You don’t let **_anyone_** call you Astra. Non didn’t even call you Astra until _after_ the two of you were married. Your soldiers don’t even call you Astra, she isn’t even _apart_ of your soldiers. She’s human. The enemy (She’s hot though- _shut up brain_ ). _She’s fragile_. _Breakable. Defiant._ …….

 

“Alex” She whispers with a soft smile

 

 _……….Beautiful. Brave._ **_Warm_ ** _. Intriguing. Completely captured your heart-_ wait **what!?**

 

No, no, no- you just met her. She’s a _human_ . She’s **_the e-n-e-m-y_ **.

 

You’re tired, that’s it. Speaking nonsense. Tired- yes, tired.

 

You watch her leave and then you remember because you had forgotten for a moment- just this moment you had forgotten that she’s _something_ to your niece.

 

 _Oh Rao,You. Did. Not. just_ **_unconsciously_ ** _hit on the person_ **_your niece_ ** _is in love with_ …...Did you?

 

But what _kind of_ love is it?......

 

Is it _‘friend’_ love? Or is it _‘lovers’_ love? (You had learnt these term while accidentally listening in on some teenage girl’s conversation with her friend)

 

Or is it another kind of love? Like one of those _confusing_ human terms kind of love?

 

Whatever kind of love it is, you _need_ to stop….. _doing_ whatever it is that you’re **_doing…_ ** _.._ w-with this _human_.

 

Remembering the hot chocolate brought in by Alex ( _Why, why, why can’t you think of her as Agent Danvers anymore_ ) you lean down and pick up the warm mug; bringing it to your lips and sniffing experimentally,.......it doesn’t smell _awful_ **_or poisoned_ ** because that happened once.

 

You taste it.

  


….It’s _delicious!_

 

It’s warm and a soft kind of fluffy liquid, you taste cocoa and milk mixed with cinnamon and something else that you can’t quite identify yet; the foam….. _thing_ ….tastes like what you used to mix into the beverage you used to drink- _actually_ , come to think of it; _this drink_ tastes _almost_ **exactly** like the beverage you used to drink.

 

_Sweet. Warm. Soft. Fluffy._

 

You smile and finish the rest of the beverage slowly; savoring the taste and letting the warmth of the liquid relax you into a fatigued sleep.

  


When you dream- you dream of half finished mugs and a short haired brunette with defiance in her eyes, you call her _Brave One_.

  


As you wake- pleasantly rested and undeniably cheerful- the cup is gone and a sticky note is left in it’s place.

 

_Don’t try to seduce me next time and I’ll bring you some more._

 

_-Alex_

 

You grin.

 

_‘Next time’_

  


Alex and hot chocolate. ( _Home_ is the quiet voice in the back of your head. You completely ignore that background comment.)

  


Is this what humans call a date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check this out if you wanna know what Livara looks like  
> http://imageshack.com/a/img924/465/WrLw9O.png

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know much about Krypton or if they swear on Rao but if they didn't, 'my' Astra just seems like she would. :D


End file.
